The Truth is Self Love is not Selfishness

Understanding yourself is the most difficult and confusing phase a person has, be it a very young school going kid to an old person. Life keeps moulding and teaches you as you grow. Managing yourself picking up from difficult situations is hard sometimes and this is where you are never meant to let your “Will Power” down. Here’s a story of a Life Coach who has been in organising workshop and studying since 2013. Her name is Sheila Ram Mohan. I met her in an event in 2016. She is an Author and a Life Coach (a Professional Counsellor) and here’s her story on how she became a Life Coach.

Well, I didn’t fall into coaching from day one. Like most people I travelled and worked at a lot of jobs/careers, all of which I loved while I was doing it. With a background of microbiology and armed with a diploma in medical lab technology – I always loved Science and it was one of my favourite topics in School & English of course. I was all set to set up my own state of the art diagnostic lab, when I was offered the post of a Medical representative, one of the first batch of women who were inducted in to this predominantly male bastion. I loved it, because it helped me combine my love of science with my communication skills, until I decided to get in to advertising. I did a diploma in Advertising and Public Relations and thus started the longest stint of my career. I got into the crazy, exciting world of advertising and started working with Clarion (before it became Bates Clarion), moving onto Enterprise & Mohammed Khan and then with Overture Communications.

In between, the entrepreneurial bug bite me (My father used to call me a “Serial Entrepreneur”!) and I decided to chuck my advertising career, getting into creating a brand called Preteens – a stylish garments for kids up to 12 years. With a factory housing 2 designers, one master cutter, 12 machines and a huge investment, I was filled with dreams of to see kids in smart Preteens wear. I learnt the hard way that garment business needs deep pockets and you need to pay yourself too. We ran out of money, therefore my business lasted 4 years! My love affair with garments was not yet over hence, when I was offered the chance to set up a huge retail outlet catering to women who wear designer garments, I rushed for partnering with then my friend and now husband – Ram Mohan. We set up EERSHA in Hyderabad. It was the first of its kind in Hyderabad, bringing current styles to the city, as opposed to getting off-season stuff. It was a huge success, bringing us into the media glare and giving us chance to have creative branding strategies, that I believe were the first of its kind then! We had to shut down EERSHA after the birth of our daughter, realising that a personalised store requires our presence from morning to night, which couldn’t be managed having kids.

Around this time, I started to question a lot of things in my life and all the turmoil & unrest put me in contact with Louise Hay’s – “You can heal your life”. What led me to each of them as I got in deeper into healing modalities. I found, I drew to myself to a lot of people who needed help with various issues in their life. I was a weekend healer! My regular day job continued, while I counselled and helped people often for free during weekends. And that’s when I finally discovered my purpose and passion.

I realised that my biggest highs were when I help people and see a positive change in their life. And that’s how Life Coaching happened. Instead of counselling people, I wanted to be able to help them move forward. I wanted to tell the young in the world that which I discovered so late in my life that – “We live in a world of infinite possibilities, limited only by our mind and our conditioning and all that it takes to change our life is us.” If you learn that early in life, you can enjoy an abundant life longer! Life Coaching is where I finally felt I was home.

My meanderings have brought forth lots of learning. I founded Lumiere24 with a view to reach out to a larger number of people who need help in : Discover natural gifts and a sense of life purpose, Develop clarity about what they really want in your life, Change self-defeating behavioural patterns that have been holding them back. We Improve one’s self-confidence and motivation. We help them create a plan to close the gap between where they are and where they want to be. In other words – Your heart will lead you to the right path, Trust your intuition, Never let fears stop you, of course change is scary, but stagnation is scarier. Once we move out of our comfort zones, our comfort zones will expand. Life is nothing but pushing those boundaries. You need not know how you will reach your destination, all you need to know is your next step. And most importantly, your only responsibility is to yourself so, stand up, speak up, show up and shine. Don’t dim your lights to let others feel more secure, your playing small really doesn’t serve the world.

Girls are traditionally brought to think that they are parents responsibility before marriage and once they are married she is being given as a property to a family saying – Sambhalo. Every girl and her Parents need to realise that, girls have to be financially independent before getting to marriage. Mary Anglo – “Women should have enough money on your own so that in case you have any difficulties, you have the freedom to know that you do what you want”. You are not dependent on another person for your marriage.

Girls are only taught – “Not to worry about money, your father’s looking after you, once you get married your husband will after you. If your husband passes away, your son will be there”. Girls should be taught to take care of themselves first and which is why it becomes important to learn to speak out. Very often we know what we want and we don’t know how to state it. We keep it inside and suppress ourselves which is why we have so many unhappy individuals walking around. With all the untold, stuck stories in their throat. We shouldn’t  Yell and be Aggressive but to be Assertive. Be clear about what you want. There shouldn’t be any confusion in what you want. State it firmly and state it politely, state it with compassion. The person on the other end may not understand you because of the upbringing they have. And they cannot be blamed for that. But, as an Individual, one has a responsibility of themselves.

We  spend lot of time wondering what the other person will say and think about us. Most of the time every person keep thinking about themselves and they to wonder the same you are now. The Truth is no one is thinking about anyone else. The need for approval is what kills the Freedom in our life.  So, try eliminate the fear of people’s need for approval from doing what you want to do. We don’t need approval from anyone except your own and as long as you are not doing anything which is morally wrong.

My Kids, my Sister, my Husband, few friends who are just ready to help me on a call are my support. And mostly it comes from the people I am able to help. At the same time I have learnt a lot from them. Because you are never able teach anything other than what you have learnt.

I Meditate to be grateful for what I have, Exercise for 20 minutes, read a book for 30 minutes and plan for the day. After I’m done with my chores I get to work. And sometimes my work timings may differ as per the Workshop Scheduled. After 4 pm I have time for myself – I read for sometime, prepare study material.

Learn to ASK for HELP when you need it. I learnt this in a hard way. We were taught not to be dependent on people and need to doing things all by ourselves. There is SHAME that has been attached to this thought we are taught. Asking when you need help doesn’t let one down but helps you rise from your difficulties. We all have immense potential, Lumiere – Awaken the light from within. We all have that light within us and because of societal pressure and various other things we feel insecure and low in life. The world needs more people to actually come out and service. The more we are shine, the more let other people know that can be bright as we are. It has taken me a long time to learn all this. And younger kids have to learn right from the start.

When a baby elephant is brought to work in timber mills, they tie to a small stake in the ground. The little elephant tries to pull and push to free itself but, the rope is tied too strong. It learns to stay still in that place until his human master commands. As the elephant grows up, the stake remains the same but, the elephant does not realise that it could pull once and break free. We are pretty much like the elephant. We are tied up to beliefs which may have worked once but, are no longer true. We need to Upgrade our mind in our life similar to how we upgrade technology usage. Your beliefs affect your thoughts, feelings, attitudes and actions. They literally shape and dictate your reality at a very fundamental level. They are the blueprints and constructs of your world.